Closure

"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” ---Paul Boese

So last Tuesday, Drew and I were given the opportunity to make a statement at the sentencing hearing for the girl that hit us back in September. Her case was on the docket at 8:30, along with about 19 others. All the cases had to do with alcohol...accidents, domestic assault, etc. We sat through some humdingers, I tell ya...one lady was at her plea hearing for driving the wrong way on Santa Fe Drive at 1:00 a.m. and hit another car. She freaked out and fled the scene...only to come back to the police after some encouragement. However, then she told the police she didn't even remember the accident. Another guy was at his sentencing hearing for a third conviction of driving drunk with his kids in the car and this time, he added beating up his wife to the charge. And his attorney, a public defendant, tried to convince the judge that he was an upstanding citizen and needed to be free on bond...hmmm. Totally puts things in perspective.

As I was sitting there through all of these cases, I just stared at Holly Asher, the girl who hit us that night. I stared and stared and stared. She had NO idea who I was...and NO idea I was there to talk to her. She was so at ease, so complacent...she didn't seem worried about anything. I had seen her pull into the parking lot earlier and park just behind me. She was in a jeep, top down, talking on her cell phone, giggling to whomever was on the other end. Again, seemed to not have a care in the world. So as I looked at her, I was ticked. My heart was pounding so hard and I could feel my blood pressure rising. "How could she act like this? Doesn't she know what she has done to my family? The emotional struggles she has caused? She doesn't even care!" I was furious...not a good feeling when you are about to go and stand right next to her, in front of a judge, and say your peace.

After eight or nine cases, I heard "The State calls Holly Asher". She and her sleazy attorney walked up and faced the judge. He asked her attorney if he had reviewed the file and if there was anything he would like to change. He started in on something about "what-she-had-said-about-the-victims-and-that-it-was-wrong-and-nobody-was-hurt-so-why-did-it-even-matter"...or something like that...and our attorney from the DA's office said, "Your Honor, if I could interject." "Of course." "We understand there is some confusion here, but I would like to let the court know that the victim is here today to speak." The look on her face was a complete 180 from her earlier complacency. She was shocked.

I walked up to the podium, every part of my being shaking from the same adrenaline rush I felt the night she hit us, and stood RIGHT next to her. If blood could boil, mine certainly was. "Please state your name for the court" the judge instructed. "ReBecca Damiano," I said. "Go ahead and begin. It is your right to be heard." I began reading my pre-written notes...and was so glad they were pre-written, cause I certainly didn't keep it together...

On the evening of September 20, I had flown in from visiting my childhood best friend in San Francisco. My husband had drug our girls out of bed in order to come and get me at the airport. We enjoyed a quiet ride home, our precious girls sound asleep in their car seats. Sitting at the stop light at Hampden after we got off I-25, my husband and I turned around, staring at how angelic our girls looked, and doing all the things parents do when admiring their sleeping kids. We turned back around, I was driving, knowing the light would turn green soon. All of the sudden, it felt like a bomb went off in our car. Total peace and quiet turned to total chaos. You may not be a mom, but imagine the fear of not being able to get your children out of the car. The accident report said you hit us at 75 mph, but one of the amazing witnesses said you passed him on I-25 going by far much faster. Your headlights were off and you didn't even brake. I wish I could put into words the impact this has had on my family. No insurance can pay to fix the nightmares my 5-year-old has, or the fact that she still cries when I drop her off at school because she doesn't want me to get in the car by myself. For the past seven months, I have been plagued by the what-ifs. A Blood Alcohol level of +.3...! We don't appear to be much different in age, but I cannot comprehend such selfishness. We were lucky--we shouldn't have come away from an accident of this magnitude without injury. The doctors told us that if our girls hadn't have been asleep, their muscles limp, the internal damage from the seat belts could have killed them. We were so fortunate for limited physical injury, but daily, live with the emotional impact YOU have caused. As a mother, I couldn't NOT

come here today to face you. I only wish I could have brought my girls in here today so their faces could be burned into your memory. As as mother, I need to do everything in my power to protect my kids and other innocent kids who are sitting at a stop light simply trying to

get home. We drive by that intersection at least once a day, and more often than not, they point it out and ask me, "Mommy, why did that lady who hit us do that?" How do you explain that to a five and seven-year-old?

This is closure for me--for my family--to address the court today. Your Honor, I am grateful for the opportunity. Thank you.

So...forgiveness...I might not totally be there, yet, but Tuesday was a giant leap, and I'm well on my way.